Friday, August 5, 2011

Wittisims From Facebook

I suppose if I were writing for the daily show, this might be how I would present the news.
  1. NOTICE: The summer of recovery that began last summer will not be extended to employment, GDP, the stock market, liberty, or government deficits. Instead, it has been extended only to Gold and the debt ceiling.
  2. Great stat I heard. Obama has had 37 fundraisers so far in his presidency. At this point in Bush's Presidency, he had 7, Clinton had 5. I guess the laser focus Obama has on creating jobs only extends to caterers for his fundraisers.
  3. This is why I saw so many cell phones in the hands of the people in the soup kitchens during the 2008 election.
    http://www.foxnews.com/on-air/​america-live/index.html#/v/109​2711805001/cell-phone-a-civil-​right/?playlist_id=87651
  4. If Tea Partiers are terrorists, I would hate to see what Joe Biden and Harry Reid define as patriots.
  5. I always wanted to take a vacation to the Mediterranean. With the economy the way it is, I didn't think I could afford it, but thanks to Obama and the Democrats, they are bringing Greece to me. And as an added bonus, they are also bringing Spain, Portugal, and Ireland. Thanks Barry and happy birthday
  6. What would happen if on the show "hoarders", their solution was to raise the physical ceiling. The result would be more room for these people to bury themselves in. It is the same for us and our debt.
  7. Being told the debt crisis was fixed is like being told your lawn was mowed while you were out of town, but came home to find 3 foot tall weeds
  8. You know what this debt ceiling fix reminds me of? A Monty Python skit where a sick patient goes to the hospital with a serious condition, but the doctor is all non sense. The doctor does something like giving the patient a cookie and saying everything will be okay, but the patient says that's ridiculous and you get this whole struggle between nonsense and life and death.
  9. We don't call a morgue "life counseling". Why do we call an abortion center "planned parenthood". The only thing people are planning is to be childless.
  10. Here's a no brainer. Everyone on the left and in the media is up in arms about how much compromise there used to be and how it has all come to an end because of the republicans of today. Well, it seems to me that if everything up to this point was compromise, and we are 14 trillion in debt and facing a credit rating reduction, then maybe not compromising is the right approach.
  11. The only money the democrats feel you can't do with less during these times is the money that is taken from one group of people and given to another. In the tradition of Orwell, some belts are tightened more than others.
  12. Is it Liberty if one man is not free to prosper more than the other. Isn't liberty also the converse.
  13. Just to dispel all doubts, here's a quote from our very own despot, despite his attempt to walk it back.
    "The idea of doing things on my own is very tempting, I promise you, not just on immigration reform. But that's not how our system works. That's not how our democracy functions," Obama told the National Council of La Raza.
  14. I read a story about how the UK has created 150 human animal hybrids over the last 3 years, in the name of science. And let's not forget embryonic stem cells. You know Joseph Mengele did experiments on people, in the name of science. What lengths are you willing to allow science to go in the name of a cure.
  15. Obama and Pelosi talking about reducing the deficit is like OJ Simpson talking about looking for the real killer
  16. What is the only industry that gets more and more money the worse they perform? Truly, they have found a way to tap into the capitalistic model of supply and demand.  Education
  17. I have a question for woman that graduated from high school 15 or more years ago and have recently lost enough weight that you can fit into the jeans you wore in high school. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH OLD JEANS THAT YOU COULDN'T FIT INTO FOR THE LAST 15 OR MORE YEARS.
  18. Listening to Obama talk about the economy is like GI's listening to Tokyo Rose talk about sweethearts at home.
  19. 40 is the new 20 according to a recent poll conducted on a group of 100 40 year olds

1 comment:

Kansas Bob said...

Witticisms? I've always wondered what they were. :)